


Manicures

by Sir_LanceThot



Category: Arthurian Mythology & Related Fandoms, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), Monty Python's Spamalot
Genre: Fluff, Herbert saying hon is me projecting, It’s MY fic and I get to choose how I spell Bedevere’s name, M/M, Manicure, stupid boyfriends are stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 02:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20650046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sir_LanceThot/pseuds/Sir_LanceThot
Summary: Herbert visits Bedevere and they talk about their boyfriends.





	Manicures

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any spelling mistakes and my inability to write anything that’s not dialogue, hope you enjoy my first fix :)

Herbert looked around the stairwell leading to the castle’s dungeon. He normally never would have come down here; dungeons were far too dark and drab. But he was here for a reason: he was looking for Bedevere.

After the Grail was found, Arthur had allowed him to turn the (always empty) dungeon into his private quarters. Herbert had never gotten to know Bedevere very well, but from what Lancelot had recounted to him, he seemed… not that bright. To be honest, he was half expecting the dungeon to be the same as it always was, but with, like, a blanket.

Herbert reached a door at the bottom of the stairs. He tentatively knocked on it, nervous to see what was on the other side.

“Come in,” a voice called from inside.

Herbert slowly opened the door, and was pleasantly surprised. I the room had been cleaned out and the dirty stone walls had been painted a pastel blue. Cups and papers covered wooden tables. On the other side of the room, there was a small bed with grey bedding and a writing desk that was even messier than the tables. And there was Bedevere, sitting at the desk, writing something.

“D, I told you, I’m busy right now, I’ll see you toni-“ Bedevere turned, and when he saw who he was talking to, he froze.

Herbert gave a little wave, “Uh… hello, Bedevere!”

“Oh, hello, Herbert! How are you?”

“I’m good! You?”

“I’m good as well!”

They looked at each other in an awkward silence for a few minutes before Herbert broke it. “Um, I need a favor. Would you let me… paint your nails?” He held up the bag he had been carrying with him, which made a few small clinking noises.

Bedevere tilted his head in confusion (which, Herbert thought, made him look a bit like a puppy,) “My nails?”

“Yes. I’ve been wanting to practice, but none of the guys will let me. Lance and Arthur don’t like that kind of stuff, Robin’s doing a show so he needs his to be plain, and Galahad just said ‘no.’”

“What about Gwen? I’m sure she’d like it.”

“Ugh,” Herbert slouched over and groaned, “Whenever I try to paint her nails, she always complains that I’m doing it wrong. She’s such a diva.” Herbert straightened out and clutched his bag, “But you’re busy, so it’s fine, I’ll-“

“Oh, no, no!” Bedevere interrupted and stood up, “That was just an excuse for something else. I’d love to help!”

“Yay!” Herbert bounced over to a table and motioned Bedevere to follow. He cleared off a spot, set his bag down, and sat on a stool across from Bedevere. Herbert started unloading his bag, “So, what do you want?”

“Uh… I don’t know, surprise me.”

“Alright!”

Bedevere looked at everything Herbert was unloading. Despite the bag being about the size of a small purse, there were paints, powders, foils, little bags of gems, glitter, rings, and even a small hole-punch-thing (which he assumed was for piercing, however that worked.) _Jesus, how does he fit all that in there? _Herbert grabbed a vile of dark blue polish and began applying it. Bedevere tapped his foot and looked around, trying to think of a conversation topic. He eventually decided on, “How are you and Lance?”

“Oh, we’re wonderful! He is the sweetest man I’ve ever met. Just today, he made me breakfast. It _was _burnt, and I haven’t the slightest idea how you burn _cereal_, but he was so proud of himself and happy and adorable. I just… I love him so much!”

“You know,” Bedevere smiled kindly, “he says the same about you. He’s always singing your praise and saying how happy he is that you’re with him.”

“Aww, really?” Herbert blushed, “That just about makes me want to cry.”

“It’s really sweet. Galahad says it’s annoying, but I wouldn’t listen to him. He’s an idiot.”

Herbert let out a small, smug laugh. “Speaking of Galahad, how are you two?”

“Oh, we’re fi-“ Bedevere paused and his eyes widened. “E-excuse me?”

“You and Galahad?”

“What about me and Galahad?”

Herbert sighed and put his hand that wasn’t holding the brush over Bedevere’s non-painted hand, “Hon, I know that you and Galahad are together.”

“W-what!?” Bedevere was flushed and his mouth was agape. “I would nev- what are you- I can’t even-“

He continued, attempting to defend himself, but ending up with little noises of offense. He eventually calmed himself, “No, we are not dating.”

“Alright, then why did you say ‘D’ when I came in? _I _would assume that it was short for ‘Denni-‘“

“No! It’s short for… Dønkiivtä?”

Herbert stared blankly at the man across from him, “Dønkiivtä.”

“Yes, she’s Finnish. She… makes bottles.”

“…Sure,” Herbert rolled his eyes at Bedevere’s laughable attempt. Lance definitely wasn’t lying when he said that he wasn’t the brightest. “So… there’s nothing between you two?”

“Of course not! He’s far too obsessed with himself. He always talks about his gorgeous face, and his beautiful hair, and his radiant smile, and his trim little body that I just want to wrap my arms around and-“

Bedevere was thrown back down to earth from his little fantasy when he realized what he was saying. Herbert had been glaring at him with a look that read “Do you really expect me to believe this?” Bedevere turned tomato-red and looked down at his feet.

“_Okmaybewearetogether_.”

“_Ha_, thank you!” Herbert jeered as Bedevere sighed in defeat.

“How did you know?”

“I happen to have a sense with these things.” This was a lie. What had actually happened was:

* * *

The knights would often have dueling practices outside when the weather is nice. Sometimes Herbert would come and watch Lance, but today, he was watching something else.

He noticed throughout the practice that Bedevere and Galahad were… acting strange. They would lean on each other while they watched the others, or they would hold a parry for a _bit _too long. Once, when Bedevere got knocked down, Galahad _straddled him_, put his sword to his throat, and moved his own face _very_close to his partner’s. It was insane.

He decided to get a second opinion, so he walked over to Patsy, who was also watching the practice. “Hey, Patsy,” he addressed, and Patsy made an affirmative noise. “I need some help,” Herbert darted his eyes towards the knights (at this point, Galahad was brushing some dirt out of Bedevere’s hair.)

“So, those two, they’re-”

“Oh, they definitely are,” Patsy interrupted, “They think they’re being inconspicuous.”

“You’re kidding!” Herbert almost burst out laughing.

“Nope. They’re sweet, but they’re idiots.”

Herbert looked back at the two. He saw how they were looking at each other; the same way he and Lance looked at each other: pure love and adoration. “Well, they _do _deserve each other, don’t they?”

* * *

“How long have you been together?” Herbert had finished applying the blue polish and was now using a silver one.

“A few months,” Bedevere responded, “It’s been... very nice. He seems like he’d be annoying, but he’s incredibly sweet. He enjoys being around me and he makes me feel really good about myself. He _is _a prat, but he’s _my _prat.”

“_Aww_!” Herbert cooed. “So... I'm assuming you two are gay, right?”

“To be honest, I’m not sure. I mean, I like Galahad _very _much, but I still like women. Galahad’s the same. I feel like there should be a term for that.”

“Yes, I agree.”

At that moment, a piece of paper slid under the door. “Don’t touch anything; you’ll mess up the nails.” Herbert got up and walked over to the door. While he was there, he heard the echo of footsteps walking up the stairs from the other side. He looked down and started reading what had been left. “Well, speak of the devil! It’s a note from Galahad.”

Bedevere’s face lit up at the mention of his boyfriend. “What did he say?”

Herbert sat back down, cleared his throat, and began to read, “’Dear Beddy, Sorry if I'm being clingy. I just really like you and I have no idea what I'm doing. I’m very exited for tonight! Patsy told me about a new dish I should try making. Then, after that, you can throw me up against the wall and-’”

“_COULD YOU SKIP THAT PLEASE_?” Bedevere somehow turned an even deeper shade of red. Herbert skipped over the rest of the “_descriptions_” Galahad had given, and continued reading.

“See you soon! Love, Denny. P.S. I thought of a name for our thing: ‘Amphil!’ Its Latin for ‘both and ‘love.’ Tell me what you think.’”

“Aw, I was reading a book about Latin last week! I guess he was paying attention to me.” Bedevere quietly laughed to himself, warmed by Galahad’s romantic gesture. “I do like the name, though.”

“I like the pet names, they’re very cute!”

Bedevere’s face dropped a bit and he looked up at Herbert. “Could you... not tell the others about this? I know they’ll be fine, just... you know.”

“Tell them what?” Herbert grinned and winked at Bedevere.

“... About me and Galahad dating. I thought I made that clear-”

Herbert sighed, ”Never mind, I won’t tell anyone.” His face suddenly lit up. “Oh! Your nails should be done by now!”

Bedevere looked down at his hands, which were now painted like a night sky full of silver stars and constellations. “HERBERT, THESE ARE _GORGEOUS_! You have a real talent for this!”

Herbert blushed and put the few remaining things he had out in his bag, “Thank you, hon!”

“No, thank _you_! It’s nice being able to talk about my life like this, I really appriciate-”

He was cut off by Herbert pulling him into a hug (that was much stronger than he expected the scrawny prince to be capable of.) “Don’t mention it. If you ever need your nails redone, or want to talk about a _certain someone_, let me know!” He pulled away and squeezed the knight’s hands.

Bedevere smiled fondly at his new friend, “Alright. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” He picked up Galahad’s letter and started reading to himself, “I should probably... finish reading... what Galahad wrote...”

Herbert let out a small chuckle as he left the room and closed the door behind him.

_Those two are the sweetest idiots I've ever seen._


End file.
